You know when something speaks to you— it could be a painting at first glance, a song at the first beat or a poem at the first line. You just know right away when something affects you.
I mentioned in my last post about my love of poetry, I have always enjoyed writing poetry, more specifically free verse, but I never really got into reading it until last year when I bought No Matter the Wreckage by Sarah Kay. I had watched her spoken word readings on youtube and when I saw her book in Chapters I knew I had to buy it; since then I’ve been hooked on it.
My most recent purchase was a book called The Universe of Us by Lang Leav and from the stanza on the back cover alone, I was pulled into her world. I found I was able to relate to the way Leav wrote and was comparing my life and experiences to her writing. I felt the love she talked about and the fears written in the pages; but there is one poem in particular that stuck in my mind and I remember reading it over and over thinking if this isn’t how I’m feeling, I don’t know how else I would describe it.
She has been feeling it for awhile—that sense of awakening. There is a gentle rage simmering inside her, and it is getting stronger by the day. She will hold it close to her—she will nurture it and let it grow. She won’t let anyone take it away from her. It is her rocket fuel and finally, she is going places. She can feel it down to her very core—this is her time. She will not only climb mountains—she will move them too.’ (Leav,Lang. 2016)
This poem speaks to me for so many different reasons, mostly because I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life; it scares the absolute shit out of me but it’s the truth. Sitting in a lecture hall in university did absolutely nothing for me and I know everyone says you have to wait it out until the bigger picture starts to come together.. But shouldn’t you be able to catch a glimpse of it? You should feel so much passion for what you’re studying that all the waiting is worth while, but I just didn’t feel that. I have so many plans going through my head that I think it’s finally time to start putting them into action—this blog was my first step towards that.
I have spent too much time thinking about what other people expected of me, what they wanted me to do, I never really even took my desires into consideration. Even now during my time out of school–a time I should be using to understand who I am and want I want in life– I keep worrying about what people think; I’m done with that now. I am not going to doubt myself. I want to be able to feel and write about the things I have only ever read in books. I want to live my life with no boundaries and no fear.
Everyone has dreams and aspirations but not everyone aspires towards the same thing. There is a world full of endless opportunities and it’s time to stop worrying about opinions that aren’t your own, to stop fearing failure and to stop being afraid of the word no. Doubt is consuming if you let it cloud your mind; do not let it. You have a gentle rage burning inside you, do not let it go out, do not let anyone take it from you; let it grow, let it flourish, it will help guide your way.
Your life is your own, you can be content or you can take every challenge head on. The only person stopping you, is you.
So what does your future hold?
I’ll see you soon.